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Sunday, September 25, 2011

My Vice Verses.



When I was around 12 yrs old, I fell in love with three things that will explain why I am the way I am. 

Lord of the Rings
Josh Groban
Switchfoot

Lord of the Rings explains my love for very long, multi plot books, all things fantasy and science fiction, movies in general, history, swords, C.S. Lewis and why green is my favorite color.

Josh Groban was born out of my lifelong love of Celine Dion, but would introduce me to love operas, showtunes, foreign languages and PBS specials.

Switchfoot and more specifically the lead singer Jon Foreman, their influence was more subtle than others but possibly had the greatest- most obvious would be my preference in music, singer/songwriter.

I’m a little ashamed to tell you how I first found out about Switchfoot. Some of you may have heard of the movie A Walk to Remember? This movie would introduce to all my friends and I to the author Nicholas Sparks and his countless other books plus their film adaptations. He just might be the reason why I despise most chick flicks and even the romance genre (but that is a whole other conversation all together).

At that time, my obsession with bubblegum pop bands was now waning and I was attempting to be a punk rock kid, even though I knew I would never be quite punk enough. But my friends and I happened to all fall in love with the Walk to Remember soundtrack, which featured a few songs by Switchfoot. It was love at first chord. So I guess I can’t truly hate Nicholas Sparks after all.

Right before I would start high school, I would see them in concert and bought the first couple of their CDs (I had a walkman, a bright orange thing with a huge NOTW sticker). And almost by default, they would become my favorite band. They were my ‘go to’ when I was trying to figure life and myself out. When I needed advice, I listened to them.

This is why I tell people that I blame Switchfoot for why I think the way I think. They influenced the type of art or design work I make because I kept trying to copy their album art or illustrate their songs. Even how I approach my faith as well. A few years back they were on the cover of CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) and the tag line for the article was how they were “Christian by faith, not by genre.” I remember they got a lot of negative reviews and criticisms for it too, but for me, it helped me formulate what being a Christian is. It wasn’t just a way to ‘categorize’ myself, but how I would live my life.

So all of this to say that I am extremely excited for the new album Vice Verses since I first found the song itself on Youtube a while back. (and I found a way to stream the full album…once again, love it.) But, as always, when I actually sat down and really listened to Vice Verses, it got me thinking…what are my vice verses?

In my quiet desperation of the emptiness, I realized that there has got to be something more that what I’m living for. I want more than this world’s got to offer. I want more than the war of my fathers and everything inside of me screams for second life.

But do we even know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages? When success is equated with excess, the ambition for excess wrecks us. See, I’ve got hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk and two hundred bucks. I pass go, but life has taken its toll. Have I won Monopoly to forfeit my soul?

And maybe I’ve been the problem, maybe I am the one to blame. I have truly made a mess of me. I am my own affliction. I am my own disease. I’ve seen the darkest things crawling inside of me and I’ve seen the monsters come alive. I’ve seen the enemy, the nightmare follows me search the darkness for a light.

Yet, I keep searching for a light. I dare to ask the hard questions about life and love and more importantly, why. I want to know my heart is still beating. What does it really mean to live? What does it mean to die? What direction am I going to take? Death or action?! For life begins at the intersection, at the fallout, the resistance. Where the tension is between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be. When I am down on my knees, who or what do I believe?

That love is something to stand and fight for. Love is the movement. Love is a revolution. So let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin. Let my fingers crack and let my world fall apart. Let your love be strong! And I won’t care what goes down. There is no song louder than love.

I will take ownership of my faith in God and challenge it. I will stand on the edge of everything I’ve never been before. I know everything inside me looks like everything I hate. I realize that You are the hope I have for change. You are the only chance I’ll take. God gave His life to put motion in my soul. It’s bigger than cold religion. It’s bigger than life.

That it is okay to feel fear, anger, doubt, and despair. To ask, where is God in all this pain? Where is God in the earthquake? Where is God in the genocide? Will justice ever find me? Do the wicked never lose? My heart is darker than these oceans, my heart is frozen underneath. Oh Lord, why did you forsake me? Oh Lord, don’t be far away. Just let me know that You hear me. Let me know Your touch. Let me know that You love me and let that be enough.

And in this world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt, I was trying so hard to fit in. It was such a beautiful letdown when I found out that I really don’t belong here. I realized that only the losers win because they’ve got nothing to prove. They’ll leave this world with nothing to lose. I’ve got a contract pending on eternity. So if I haven’t already given it away, I’ve got a plan to lose it all.

I’m so desperate to be alive that I’ll give it all away. Nothing I was holding back remains. I’m looking for the grace of God today. Hallelujah, I'm caving in. Hallelujah, I'm in love again. Hallelujah, every breath is a second chance. God, this is the way that I say I need You. This is the way that I say I love You. This is the way that I say I’m yours. I am always Yours.

Please, sing to me the song of the stars of Your galaxy dancing and laughing. When it feels like my dreams are so far, sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again. Your love is a symphony. It is all around me, running through me. Your love is a remedy. Your love is a song. And I will lift my hands and pray to be only Yours. I know now that You are my only hope.

I want Salvation to be the fire in the midnight of my soul. I want to see miracles, see the world change. I want to be a freedom fighter, to be a stand up kind of girl. I’m out to start a fire in this bar code plastic world. I want to burn out bright.

So thank you Jon Foreman and Switchfoot for making melodies and showing me my vice verses. 

9/26/2011: P.S Just saw them live in NYC and i am blown away. Jon's aftershow was amazing, right in the middle of Time Square. I got a signed copy of Vices Verses and t shirt FINALLY. A great album...Souvenirs and Restless are currently my favorites. But again, thank you Switchfoot (and Anberlin) for a great night. 

Roughly 30 minutes later: THE ENTIRE NEW ALBUM IS MY FAVORITE

 

Songs Mentioned
Good Night Punk
 Something More (Augustine’s Confession)
 Meant to Live
Gone
American Dream
Company Car
Stars
Mess of Me
Daylight to Break
Life and Love and Why
Awakening
Vice Verses
Faust, Midas and Myself
Dare You to Move
Innocence Again
Love is the Movement
Let Your Love Be Strong
The Sound (John M. Perkin’s Blues)
On Fire
The Blues
Let That Be Enough
The Shadow Proves the Sunshine
The Beautiful Letdown
Loser
Always
Learning to Breathe
Only Hope
Your Love is a Song
Amy’s Song
24
Burn Out Bright

6 comments:

  1. funny, when I had a Walkman, it held cassette tapes, not CDs.

    glad you had a good time, K. this makes me want to listen to Switchfoot more. i think i only have one of their albums. and sadly, i think i started listening to them after A Walk to Remember too. haha!

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  2. haha well, if you couldnt tell i have all their stuff, even the new cd thats not even out yet haha so holler if you want any of their music. sharing is caring :)

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  3. I love Switchfoot just as much as you do. Thankyou! I love all the lyrics mentioned :)

    ~Abbie

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  4. Once again girl-BRILLIANT! Music speaks, music elevates, music heals. I think music is the holiest, most heavenly thing we have on earth. Because it moves man spirit/soul-all music does this. If you minister in a nursing home filled with year-worn souls that can't remember their own names-singing is the only memory that is not robbed from them. When God moved us from 'the big pink church' :) there was a song all 3 of us listened to hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month. That song healed us. 'This Journey Is My Own'

    When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
    This journey is my own
    Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
    This journey is my own

    Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
    What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

    So much of what I do is to make a good impression
    This journey is my own
    And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
    But this journey is my own

    And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
    And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

    And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
    This journey is my own
    Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
    It was breaking me down

    And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
    Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
    Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
    Cuz I know this journey is my own

    And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
    And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
    And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
    I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’

    Oh, this journey is my own

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  5. i JUST tried to burn a bunch of switchfoot songs onto cd yesterday to listen to in the car, but alas it was the wrong kind of cd format, and didn't work :(

    brilliant weaving of switchfoot lyrics...i know their lyrics, but singing them and reading them are very different things. Reading them gave me a whole new appreciation for their stuff. Will go check out vice versus asap. oh and awesome personalized spin to their cover art.

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  6. aw thanks Tiff! i'm glad i was able to show their lyrics in a different light. editing the lyrics was so hard haha but worth it. I'm not kidding when i said i blame them for why i think the way i do!

    and that's what Ps is for ;) haha

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