Everyone You Meet

Current Read: Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

 
 I highly suggest this book. I finished it in one night and one day… I just could not put it down. Jay Asher’s debut novel was a brilliant and mind blowing read. And if you let it, this book truly pierces you to the heart.

“Hello, boys and girls. Hannah Baker here. Live and in stereo. No return engagements. No encore. And this time, absolutely no requests. I hope you’re ready, because I’m about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you’re listening to the tapes, you’re one of the reasons why.”

The story is about the aftermath of girl who had lost all hope and faith in life and commits suicide. But, she created thirteen tapes for thirteen people the thirteen reasons why she did it. We hear the tapes from the perspective of Clay Jensen, a boy who doesn’t understand why he’s even on the tapes.

What scared me when I was reading the book was that I understood Hannah a little too well.

She didn’t have just one reason for what she did; it was one small thing that leads to another slightly bigger thing. “Everything…affects everything.” She referred to it as a snowball effect. It’s amazing how everything in life flows in and out of one another.

An ‘innocent’ rumor from a ‘slight’ exaggeration creates a reputation. An image people assume is really you, never trying or even wanting to find out the truth about a situation…or themselves.

"I guess that's the point of it all. No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes we have no clue. Yet we push on just the same." –Hannah Baker

Do you ever wonder about this? How something you consider small affects someone else? The interactions we have with people, the true weight they could carry?

I constantly think about this. Isn’t it the smallest things that could change our life forever? It’s just one moment. A smile, a look, a hello, a goodbye, or simple silence could change our lives in a blink of an eye.

Also, fear. The fear of being hurt by others, the fear of rejection and of failure. This fear…it governs how we think, how we act. When you really think about it, it’s a very selfish way to be. How willing we are to take the blame off ourselves, to blame circumstance and others, but we never can blame ourselves. Our pride and our selfishness can cause so much pain and hurt and destruction…it can even take someone’s life.

Like Hannah, I’ve pushed people away after being hurt so much. To lose faith in people because of betrayal is a lonely place. You push everyone away as a last defense to protect yourself. I thank God that there is a God because when I was at my lowest, He truly held my hand and carried me through. I didn’t realize it then, but now looking back, I don't know where I would be without Him.

I won’t tell you Hannah’s reason for Clay, but it was an …interesting reason. If and when you read this book, all I will say is don’t let fear hold you back. Take a risk and live. What ifs are worse than apologies and mistakes. Even if it hurts right now, you at least can say that you tried. And in the end, trying and failing is better than never doing anything at all.

Read Hannah’s story. Learn from her mistakes. Learn from Clay’s mistake. Learn from her thirteen reasons.

And more importantly, live.

Brazil: Tudo Bem? Tudo Bem :)

the Brazil team

First, I thank all of you for your prayers and what you gave so I could even go on this life-changing trip to Brazil. It was a humbling experience for me as well as a reminder how truly blessed I am.

A few weeks before I was supposed to be leaving, I didn’t think I was able to go to Brazil. I was feeling so much doubt and the last thing I wanted to be doing was leaving the country to go on a mission’s trip. I didn’t even know how I was going to pay for any of it on time. I was already discussing with the leaders of the trip about pulling out at that point. A few days later, I get a call from one of them saying someone had anonymously decided to cover the rest of my finances so I could go. I was in absolute shock and astounded. God had performed a miracle and I now knew I had to go to Brazil. Thank you so much anonymous person, I am so grateful and I hope you read this.

The church that hosted this trip, Princeton Alliance Church is affiliated with something called Hope Unlimited. Hope started because in the early 90’s, street kids were literally being shot and killed because they were seen as a ‘public nuisance.’ The best way I can explain what Hope Unlimited today is an orphanage the Brazilian government sends children who are so physically, mentally and/or emotionally abused and cannot stay in their current situations anymore. They take in kids and give them an education, structure, and most importantly, love. If you would like to read more about Hope Unlimited, click here!

The specific purpose of our trip was to help out with a camp/retreat during their winter break. (Fun Fact: Brazil has winter and it’s actually cold at night. Like down to 40’s cold.)

After our 10 hour flight that I could not sleep on, we landed in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Brazil itself is an amazing and distinctive country. At first, and through out the entire trip, I was taken aback by the graffiti. I didn’t realize that Brazil was in fact known for its street art and graffiti. They truly take their street art seriously. It was beautiful and gritty and so full of talent. The graffiti was definitely a huge reflection of Brazil’s culture and the people’s struggle with such vast differences in class, poverty and government. The craziest thing…I can’t even fathom that this even happens… is this thing called an Invasion. A lot of the favelas, or slums, are created this way. From what I understood it to be is that people come together and plan to invade a piece of private but open land, then they take whatever they can, wood, cardboard, tarp, anything, to create a ‘shack’ and claim that piece of land as their own. If the government does not intervene fast enough, that land legally becomes theirs. I was amazed that something like that happens today. 

The town right outside the Cidade Dos Meninos

City of the Children, this is where the boys live and go to school.

One of the girl's houses where we had lunch.

The camp itself, with my darling friend, Lindsay.

Now, I love doing camp. I’ve done some form of camp every summer for as long as I can remember. And I’m pretty sure I have done it all. I’ve attended day camps, sleep away camps, been a counselor for both day camp and sleep away camp ( any age between preschool through junior high), been in charge of crafts, bible time, drama, and music, photography/media, ect. In short, I love camp.  But, I have to say that this camp was awesome. It was nestled in the hills and the view I woke up to was simply…gorgeous. The kids were so friendly and loving. I felt so blessed by all of them. Many kids (and adults) thought I was Brazilian and would assume I spoke Portuguese fluently, which caused hilarious situations.  I tried learning as much as I could, but I simply could not get it down. (So I made sure to be really good friends with one of the translators and we actually became really good friends by the end of the week.) But even with the massive language barrier between the kids and I, I learned that friendship bracelets, face painting, and sarcasm transcend all differences.

face painting

If you are more curious about the whole camp experience and Princeton Alliance Church’s relationship with them, check out their Brazil Missions blog and the blog, Refuge Benefit Concerts, which is how I first heard about Hope Unlimited. 

 

On our last day there, the buses were supposed to pick us up in the afternoon but they would end up coming later that night. After packing and cleaning up the camp, we all had a time to just relax and process the week. I took this moment to sneak off from the group and lay on one of the main hills to look at the stars. There were so many stars, and they look so different to me that night.

During that time, I simply was a mess. I was just having this conversation with God about so many things. My heart was breaking for these children that I had spent the week with, my relationships with people back home, the idea of letting go, and of forgiveness. One of the main themes of the week was being challenged to not just exist, but to live out the big things God has called us to do.  I find that we we are so easily blinded by our issues and failures that we forget how blessed we are. Brazil and the wonderful, beautiful kids at Hope reminded me how blessed I am, to be grateful and to be content in all situations. Basic principles, but when you let those sink in, they are powerful and will change how you live everyday. I never want to forget how to live with gratitude and awareness of others, in honor of the kids I spent my week with. It is the very least I can do for them.

GO BLUE TEAM!!!

Saude, Kristen. 

[Eden]

"We all long for [Eden], and we are constantly glimpsing it: our whole nature...is still soaked with the sense of exile."

J.R.R. Tolkien

The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien