My church broke up with me… again.

Update 8/9/2011: My response to this blog is All We Need Is Love

Recently the only songs I was listening were to songs like…

I’m Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer

So Long by Guster

Heartless by Kanye West (actually just the covers from Kris Allen and The Fray)

I was curious as to why I was gravitating to these songs. I haven’t been in a relationship in a while. Then it hit me. I was in a relationship. I was in a relationship with the Church. And the Church has broken up with me…again.

The Church in the bible is often referred to as the bride of Christ and compared to a marriage. Now, we live in an imperfect, sin-filled world. Church has turned from a loving wife figure to the vindictive and manipulative psycho girlfriend we have all come to hate and make fun of.

See, I’ve grown up in Church and I have gotten to know her very well. My family was always involved with Church. My parents taught me to love Church. I had my flings with different types of churches, checking out the ones my friends would go to.

Then it crept on me. Just like the friend that I had grew up with, somewhere after puberty, I realized I had fallen in love.

I was almost 16. It was my first relationship, my first love. I was young and naïve, and head over heels. I felt like I had belonging and a purpose. I spent every moment with Church, giving her all my time. And I really didn’t mind. I loved being part of something bigger than myself. I was incredibly involved with my youth group with planning events, making friends, and sharing my love with everyone. I would even help out with the younger kids on Wednesday nights only because Church would want me to.

It was the summer before senior year and I was looking forward to all the great times we were planning to have. We had just come back from an amazing missions trip in Portugal. I was so excited, looking at colleges, going to open houses on the weekends, thinking about the future, and pursuing my dreams in art that Church had help me discover and encouraged me to follow.

A couple weeks before my 17^th birthday, I got an email. Church said since I have not been attending or giving as much I use to, that I needed to ‘step down’ from my leadership roles. I reminded Church that she knew it was for college and I thought she supported me. But, after all my time spent, I was not given a real answer other than I wasn’t giving her enough time. So Church broke up with me over an email. Then would ignore me for the next three months when I needed Church most. That year, my family would lose our home in foreclosure.

I missed Church even though I was heartbroken. I felt hurt and betrayed. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I had to cling on to the hope that God will provide just like He promises.  But like every first break up, I developed trust issues.

I would end up rebounding with another Church for a while. I was trying to learn to like church again.  But I think I knew, she was not the one. That is when I was introduced to the younger Sister Church they wanted to plant 20 minutes away. This Church was different. This Church was all about helping out the community in whatever way possible. She was genuine, passionate and so alive. Plus, it looked like she had a decent style and a real appreciation for art.

Now more experienced at the wise and old age of 19, I was going to approach this relationship with more seriousness and maturity. The walls I had put around my heart began to fall as I slowly let Church in again. I was making serious plans for my life based around Church. I spent a lot of time again, getting very involved now as a youth leader and graphic designer/artist/whenever-they-needed-someone-to-make-something-look-visually-awesome-person. Church would ask me to do paintings for her live during the services. And through Church, I would meet a lot of people. So when I wasn’t able to attend college anymore, I still had Church.

After about a year and a half, I noticed something was off…Church felt a little different, a little distant. But I knew that no Church was perfect and I continued on.

On a warm summer Tuesday evening, Church broke up with me…again. This time, Church just ignored me and would tell our friends that it was for the best. It was hard decision, but it simply was not working out. After giving Church a good two years of my life, she simply said, I don’t think this is working…to other people. The friends I met through Church would ask if I could come back to Church. How could I stop going? But I don’t think they realize the full story. Or could even get it, because our Church could not be that harsh. Church would not take me back, or even want to be friends

What is the point of Church? What is the Church supposed to even be? Church has hurt so many people in so many painful and cruel ways.

Call me a hopeless romantic, I still believe in Church. I know that God provided a family for us all because we do need it. And just as we are all different and imperfect, so is Church. It’s why there’s so many. I’m not to argue that small churches are better than huge churches or vice versa. I’m not here to even argue denominations either. I am definitely not educated enough to even start that mess. But I can tell you one thing, Church is not a building. Church is not ministry, a mission statement, a list of rules, or a logo. Church is people, a family who claim that God created us and sent His holy and perfect son Jesus Christ to die for our sins so that we may have eternal life. I think that is our biggest mistake.

We confuse Church with politics or Church with business, meanwhile the entire Church, is family.

⁴²And they steadfastly persevered, devoting themselves constantly to the instruction and fellowship of the apostles, to the breaking of bread, including the Lord's Supper, and prayers.

    ⁴³And a sense of awe and reverential fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were performed through the apostles, the special messengers.

    ⁴⁴And all who adhered to and trusted in and relied on Jesus Christ were united and together they had everything in common;

    ⁴⁵And they sold their possessions, both their landed property and their movable goods, and distributed the price among all, according as any had need.

    ⁴⁶And day after day they regularly assembled in the temple with united purpose, and in their homes they broke bread. They partook of their food with gladness and simplicity and generous hearts,

    ⁴⁷Constantly praising God and being in favor and goodwill with all the people; and the Lord kept adding to their number daily those who were being saved from spiritual death.

Acts 2: 42-47