it's a way to live.

All We Need Is Love

I had every intention of writing sooner, but I was on an amazing missions trip to Brazil (in which I will write about in a later post). I really want to thank everyone for all the support and the encouragement. Words simply cannot explain how completely overwhelmed and grateful I am for it all.

The inspiration of my last post was on how the love between God and us, the love between a bride and groom, has been distorted and forgotten in the Church.  The greatest and most famous chapter on love which is in countless romance movies, TV shows, novels and performed at so many weddings was not written for a lovesick boy or girl, but from Paul to the church at Corinth.

1 Corinthians 13:1-7, 13

   ¹ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. ²If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. ^{3 -7}If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end…

… ¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

No matter how many ‘good’ things we do, no matter how much money we raise for charities, no matter how many meals we give to the poor, no matter how many people attend our services, no matter how awesome you preach, teach or reach the ‘lost’, if you do all these things with out love…it is nothing. It is worthless and it is a failure, a clanging cymbal.

I ask you, what makes my story, and countless others, so terribly wrong?  It is because it was handled without love. I can understand personal differences or not seeing things eye to eye, but with how we were treated, there was no love.

I think many of us in the Church have forgotten our purpose and even forgotten the God that has called us. We have missed our charge, getting caught up in the traditions and the religion of things.  In Matthew 22:36-40, “³⁶‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ ³⁷And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’ ”

The solution to our problem is not criticizing or pointing fingers at one another. I’m tired of people complaining, bashing and knocking the church. I’m tired of hearing people talking about what is wrong with the church and not doing anything.  I still love the church dearly. It is out of that love I say these things.

And the solution is not isolation. I know how hard is to be open to a new group of believers after being so hurt and ruined by another. To be honest, I haven’t attended a church on a Sunday regularly because just the act of getting up and getting ready Sunday morning is still too painful for me. But I have to realize that this is but a passing shadow. A new day will come, and I will find home with a group of fellow believers… But for right now, I am surrounding myself with other strong Christians, hanging out with them and spending time with them regularly. I constantly am seeking God as to where He needs me to go.  I have not given up on the Church.

When I decided to share my story, it was not to point fingers or to blame someone, but to point out an issue that needs to be addressed. I knew what I was going to say would be controversial, but in the end I knew it was something that needed to be said. My prayer was that in sharing my story, that God would be able to use me. Even though what I went through was terrible and painful, that God will still get the glory.

Before I had decided to post my story, I was reminded of another story. It starts in Acts 4 with Peter and John standing before the council and it continues in chapter 5:12 – 42 when the Peter and the apostles were arrested for spreading the gospel. It is a favorite of mine and I highly suggest you read these stories in their entirety. But a few verses have always stood out for me:

Acts 4:13

 ¹³ Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.

Acts 5:38-39

³⁸So in the present case I tell you, keep away from these men and let them alone, for if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; ³⁹but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You might even be found opposing God!" So they took his advice.

This is exactly how I felt – small, uneducated and common. My prayer for months now has been to have the boldness that Peter and John had, to be bold about the things of God and God’s plan for my life. Even the Sadducees realized that their boldness was not their own, but God’s. One of the chief Sadducees, Gamaliel, had the wisdom to see that if what Peter and John doing was of God, it would not fail. In their own blindness, they could be found opposing God. 

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We have all seen this problem. The solution is we have to remember to love. Selflessly, boldly, unconditionally, just how Christ loves you and I. Have you ever loved someone despite their flaws, your personal differences and without expecting anything back? It is the most beautiful thing in this life. Only by God’s help, because I most certainly cannot on my own, I am trying to love the people, the Church, who have hurt me.

The only way we can change the Church is for us to change ourselves. My intention was to stir hearts, to open people’s eyes. I challenge you to seek God and pray about this. I challenge all of us to now act upon this knowledge, to not be silent anymore. I challenge you to search your own heart…to love, to be bold, to act. Let us pray for the boldness of the apostles, the boldness of Peter and Paul. Let us speak truth like Christ. Let us unite under God’s love and let us start a change that is so desperately needed. Stand with me, for we are the Church, my brothers and my sisters. I cannot do this alone.

My church broke up with me… again.

Update 8/9/2011: My response to this blog is All We Need Is Love

Recently the only songs I was listening were to songs like…

I’m Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer

So Long by Guster

Heartless by Kanye West (actually just the covers from Kris Allen and The Fray)

I was curious as to why I was gravitating to these songs. I haven’t been in a relationship in a while. Then it hit me. I was in a relationship. I was in a relationship with the Church. And the Church has broken up with me…again.

The Church in the bible is often referred to as the bride of Christ and compared to a marriage. Now, we live in an imperfect, sin-filled world. Church has turned from a loving wife figure to the vindictive and manipulative psycho girlfriend we have all come to hate and make fun of.

See, I’ve grown up in Church and I have gotten to know her very well. My family was always involved with Church. My parents taught me to love Church. I had my flings with different types of churches, checking out the ones my friends would go to.

Then it crept on me. Just like the friend that I had grew up with, somewhere after puberty, I realized I had fallen in love.

I was almost 16. It was my first relationship, my first love. I was young and naïve, and head over heels. I felt like I had belonging and a purpose. I spent every moment with Church, giving her all my time. And I really didn’t mind. I loved being part of something bigger than myself. I was incredibly involved with my youth group with planning events, making friends, and sharing my love with everyone. I would even help out with the younger kids on Wednesday nights only because Church would want me to.

It was the summer before senior year and I was looking forward to all the great times we were planning to have. We had just come back from an amazing missions trip in Portugal. I was so excited, looking at colleges, going to open houses on the weekends, thinking about the future, and pursuing my dreams in art that Church had help me discover and encouraged me to follow.

A couple weeks before my 17^th birthday, I got an email. Church said since I have not been attending or giving as much I use to, that I needed to ‘step down’ from my leadership roles. I reminded Church that she knew it was for college and I thought she supported me. But, after all my time spent, I was not given a real answer other than I wasn’t giving her enough time. So Church broke up with me over an email. Then would ignore me for the next three months when I needed Church most. That year, my family would lose our home in foreclosure.

I missed Church even though I was heartbroken. I felt hurt and betrayed. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I had to cling on to the hope that God will provide just like He promises.  But like every first break up, I developed trust issues.

I would end up rebounding with another Church for a while. I was trying to learn to like church again.  But I think I knew, she was not the one. That is when I was introduced to the younger Sister Church they wanted to plant 20 minutes away. This Church was different. This Church was all about helping out the community in whatever way possible. She was genuine, passionate and so alive. Plus, it looked like she had a decent style and a real appreciation for art.

Now more experienced at the wise and old age of 19, I was going to approach this relationship with more seriousness and maturity. The walls I had put around my heart began to fall as I slowly let Church in again. I was making serious plans for my life based around Church. I spent a lot of time again, getting very involved now as a youth leader and graphic designer/artist/whenever-they-needed-someone-to-make-something-look-visually-awesome-person. Church would ask me to do paintings for her live during the services. And through Church, I would meet a lot of people. So when I wasn’t able to attend college anymore, I still had Church.

After about a year and a half, I noticed something was off…Church felt a little different, a little distant. But I knew that no Church was perfect and I continued on.

On a warm summer Tuesday evening, Church broke up with me…again. This time, Church just ignored me and would tell our friends that it was for the best. It was hard decision, but it simply was not working out. After giving Church a good two years of my life, she simply said, I don’t think this is working…to other people. The friends I met through Church would ask if I could come back to Church. How could I stop going? But I don’t think they realize the full story. Or could even get it, because our Church could not be that harsh. Church would not take me back, or even want to be friends

What is the point of Church? What is the Church supposed to even be? Church has hurt so many people in so many painful and cruel ways.

Call me a hopeless romantic, I still believe in Church. I know that God provided a family for us all because we do need it. And just as we are all different and imperfect, so is Church. It’s why there’s so many. I’m not to argue that small churches are better than huge churches or vice versa. I’m not here to even argue denominations either. I am definitely not educated enough to even start that mess. But I can tell you one thing, Church is not a building. Church is not ministry, a mission statement, a list of rules, or a logo. Church is people, a family who claim that God created us and sent His holy and perfect son Jesus Christ to die for our sins so that we may have eternal life. I think that is our biggest mistake.

We confuse Church with politics or Church with business, meanwhile the entire Church, is family.

⁴²And they steadfastly persevered, devoting themselves constantly to the instruction and fellowship of the apostles, to the breaking of bread, including the Lord's Supper, and prayers.

    ⁴³And a sense of awe and reverential fear came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were performed through the apostles, the special messengers.

    ⁴⁴And all who adhered to and trusted in and relied on Jesus Christ were united and together they had everything in common;

    ⁴⁵And they sold their possessions, both their landed property and their movable goods, and distributed the price among all, according as any had need.

    ⁴⁶And day after day they regularly assembled in the temple with united purpose, and in their homes they broke bread. They partook of their food with gladness and simplicity and generous hearts,

    ⁴⁷Constantly praising God and being in favor and goodwill with all the people; and the Lord kept adding to their number daily those who were being saved from spiritual death.

Acts 2: 42-47

My art is that of living