need to be really bothered once in a while

“We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?” 

 Ray Bradbury

Definitions Part 1: Jesus vs Religion

Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes and musters before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and the loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.

James 1:26,27 MSG

So this video had taken over my Facebook newsfeed the other week. It went viral. Everyone was reposting. And after watching it myself, I reposted it because I understood and agreed with the poet, Jefferson Bethke. Then the next week, the Christian blogosphere went crazy. Suddenly everyone was freaking out over how illogical, condescending, inaccurate, and unchristian this video was. I watched it again with a more critical eye, and I think many of us are missing Bethke’s point.

When I was in high school and people would find out I was a Christian, the conversation would go something like this:

“Oh, so you’re religious?”

I would say something like this, probably rolling my eyes at this point. “NO. It’s more than that just religion. Its more than just something I do.”

I have always hated that term. Always. To me, it meant two things, (1) doing something superstitiously in hopes of saving my own soul and (2) those who showed off their religion like one who flaunted his knowledge to make you feel stupid, one who overly demonstrates his power just to make you feel worthless, or one who shows his opulence to make you feel poor, to put it simply, religious pride. Either way, ‘religion’ seems to always have man at its center.

Looking at history, religion has a terrible track record with the Crusades, the Inquisition, and even the current war of terrorism. Religion has developed many negative connotations to it, despite the actual definition of it (literal definition). Man using ‘religion’ to accomplish his own personal goals. What a perversion of what we are supposed to be? We can’t keep sweeping this under the rug anymore.

In the video Bethke is referring to the modern day Sadducees and Pharisees. Let me make it a bit more personal, more post-modern for you. When I say religion, I think we can expand that to church pride. The men who pride themselves on how good they were at the law, at church, than what the law/church was supposed to be, and condemning those who could not do it as good as they did. The elite, the self-righteous, the hypocrites.

Religion has become focused on how man can save himself. It has become a selfish thing. There is nothing real, no authentic faith or genuine conviction. It was all about how could I make my own name better, how could use this for my own glory. As Bethke, says it’s become this list of chores, a façade, behavior modification. Religion has become a mask to hide behind and to judge others from. And it’s this type of religion is bondage and makes many into slaves.

Religion could be dressed up so close to the truth, that we sometimes don’t even realize how blind we are to the real truth.

 Before we jump to conclusions about how terrible this video is, take one second and think. Are you upset because you are personally offended and sought to defend yourself? Or can you take your eyes off yourself and realize the point of this video, that maybe we’re losing sight of the humbling, Christ-centered truth?

"Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good- above all, that we are better than someone else- I think we maybe sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil." 

- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The title of the video is this: that Jesus is GREATER than a religion man created. Instead of you or I trying (and failing Romans 3:23) to save ourselves by being ‘religious’, Jesus saved us already. He abolished the need for man to save himself. Jesus was the fulfillment of the Law. Up until that point, we had to sacrifice animals and perform rituals of cleansing. But when God sent His son as the Ultimate sacrifice. We no longer ‘needed’ the law for that purpose. The curtain was torn. (Matt 27:51)

The rest of the New Testament is spent trying to explain the idea of grace and works go together, hand in hand. Religion, or works, alone does not work and belief alone doesn’t make sense. Both are natural requirements. (James 2:14-26 and Romans 2:12-29, 3:21-26)

“For a God humbled himself to become man, so religion humbled itself to become Christianity.”

 -C.S. Lewis

Letters to Mary Van Deusen

February 5, 1956

So then what is Christianity? What makes someone or something Christian? I would like to know what you think. 

For my thoughts, check out my next post. 

To never look away, to never forget.

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget."

— Arundhati Roy

Tim Tebow and C.H. Spurgeon

Never in my life did I think I would write about football. Ever. If you know me, I am pretty indifferent and oblivious when it comes to sports. The only time I will sit down is if the Yankees are in the World Series and the Super Bowl (but really, I’m there to watch the commercials and the food) or when my dad feels like scarring me when a player’s arm or leg is in an unnatural position.

The first time I heard about Tebow, I didn’t even realize he was a football player…or a real person for that matter. My family and I were spending a day together last fall and we were just goofing off, taking funny pictures of ourselves. We were doing the usual poses, owling, planking, the X-Men First Class, ect. Then my sister and my dad do something I wasn’t aware of, they were ‘tebowing.’ And that is how I first heard of Tim Tebow. 

This is Becca.

our version of XMen

What is this Tebowing??

Last Sunday night, while the rest of my family was enthusiastically watching the Broncos-Steelers game, I was very intrigued with a documentary on the History channel. My sister Becca comes running in jumping up and down on the couch doing a victory dance screaming something like this:

“KRISTEN HE DID IT. TEBOW DID IT. KRISTEN KRISTEN KRISTENNNN. GOD LOVES TEBOW MORE THAN YOU. I LOVE TEBOW. TEBOW’S AWESOME.”

She then proceeded to Tebow and run off screaming.

Tebow has caught both my 14 yr old sister and America by storm. He is everywhere. Tebowing is the new planking. The sports section of the news is now Tebow and sports. Tim Tebow had nearly 9,500 tweets per second during his touchdown in overtime Sunday night. That’s more than DOUBLE the rate during the Super Bowl at any point last year. That’s more than the death of Bin Laden. That is even more tweets than the Royal Wedding.

Some of this mania is because Time Tebow is an underdog that nobody expected. Some of it is because he doesn’t play the way he’s supposed too. But since I’m not a sports critic or fan, I’m not going to discuss sports. Mostly this ‘Tebowmania’ is about his obvious displays of his Christian faith.

We’re not used to someone recently to be so shamelessly proud about being a Christian, especially a young man, a quarterback in the NFL. He would wear verse references as his eye black. Whenever he is interviewed, his faith is always mentioned. In both the good and the bad, he publicly goes on his knees.

He is so open about God that people, even fellow Christians, think he should tone it down. Even former quarterback and well-known believer Kurt Warner suggested that he should tone it down.

He’s not even a ‘cool’ Christian (something I will definitely write about soon.) His favorite verse is John 3:16. He still sings Lord I Life Your Name on High. He was home schooled. I think some of us Christians are embarrassed by him.

Even though I don’t watch his games, Tim Tebow has earned my respect. That is something I don’t say often, or give freely.

I am ashamed and embarrassed by the Christians who think Tebow should not talk about his love for Jesus as often as he does. He isn’t the type of ‘Christian’ we Christians would pick to have so much media attention because he doesn’t play Jesus or Christianity ‘cool.’

Whenever I see or hear about Tebow, I am reminded of a story I had read a while back. It is about the revered Victorian pastor C.H. Spurgeon critiquing a young pastor after the young pastor gave a very well prepared preaching.

“Will you tell me why you think it a poor sermon?” said the young pastor.

“Because,” said Spurgeon, “There was no Christ in it.”

The young man said, “Well, Christ was not in the text [*cough* football or your life]; we are not to be preaching Christ always, we much preach what is in the text [*cough* football or your life].”

Spurgeon responded, “Don’t you know, young man, that from every town, and every village, and every little hamlet in England, wherever it may be, there is a road to London?”

“Yes.” Said the young man.

“Ah,” said Spurgeon, “and so from every text in Scripture there is a road to the metropolis of Scriptures – and that is Christ. Dear Brother, when you get a text [a God given opportunity] say, ‘Now, what is the road to Christ?’ and then preach a sermon, [play football or live our lives] running along the road towards the great metropolis – Christ.”

-An excerpt from the Simply Youth Conference 2011 Journal and Devotional Booklet.

Tebow is a great example of this. In everything we do, in everything that we are, should lead to Jesus. Our actions, our words, our life. Our purpose is to proudly proclaim who Christ is and give Him glory, not to tone it down, even if God is not directly in the text, in our career, in our school, or a football game.

I probably won’t watch the next football game, but I’ll definitely be proud of Tim Tebow (whether he wins or loses) and keep him in my prayers.

My Top Reads from 2011

It’s January. We all make some form of resolutions every New Year’s Eve that we hope to keep. For some of us, that resolution is to read more often. And if any of you are as unbelievably picky as I am when it comes to books, sometimes that resolution is incredibly hard.

These are a few of the books I was able to read this past year, and hopefully it will help you pick out some books you would like to read.

My Top Ten

10. Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis.

This was my most recent read. I was working at a mall for the holiday season, and I would normally spend my breaks at Barnes and Noble. Soon, I was known as the C.S. Lewis Girl when I would grab my Starbucks.

Out of the Silent Planet is the first installment in C.S. Lewis’s Space Trilogy. It’s main character, Ransom, is a philologist who is kidnapped by a mad scientist and taken to the planet Perelandra. Your normal sci-fi beginning, but the story, as it unfolds, unfolds in a beautiful and thought provoking way. I have yet to read the rest of the trilogy but I fell in love with the unconventional narrative and ideas that go much deeper to your heart.

I suggest this if you already a fan of Lewis. Bonus points if you are a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien and Lord of the Rings. The language the natives speak on Malacandra is similar to elvish and Ransom seems to be based off of Tolkien himself.

9. A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.

Yes, another Lewis book. And there will be one more on this list. I read this earlier in the summer when I was going through a hard time, an almost figurative death of something dear to me. It is a heart-wrenching read. A man in such raw form, expressing his grief over his wife, I felt honored that he was able to do this.

I suggest that you pick up this book and read it to familiarize yourself with it so when a tragedy does happen, you can read this and know that you are not alone.

8. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

If you have been reading my blog for a while, I had written a post about this novel over the summer. I couldn’t put it down. It is about a boy, Clay who finds a bag full of cassettes. He starts listening to them, realizing that it is Hannah Baker, explaining to thirteen people the thirteen reasons why she had committed suicide. It sounds incredibly morbid, but it is ultimately a story about actions and consequences and being aware of others.

"I guess that's the point of it all. No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes we have no clue. Yet we push on just the same." 

–Hannah Baker

You can read more on my previous post here.

You would probably like this book if you have read The Perks of being a Wallflower (which is a book I finally just read. I liked it, but it’s definitely PG13.)

7&6. Love Wins by Rob Bell and Erasing Hell by Francis Chan

Two books I already have a post on as well. I only suggest you read Love Wins so you can read Francis Chan’s response to it in Erasing Hell.

As a Christian, I think you should really figure out what you believe. I feel like Love Wins does approach subjects that Christians tend to avoid and the reasons non-Christians bring up when they explain why they don’t believe in God or Jesus. Though, I don’t approve the conclusions the Bell is leading you to believe (he never quite comes out and say it).

If you want to explore more on this subject, I suggest a lot of prayer and these books: Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, and The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, The Dawkins Delusion by Alister McGrath, and god is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens.

5,4 & 3. The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins

If you haven’t heard of Hunger Games, then you must be living under a rock. I first heard of this book last spring from my friend, who is a middle school English teacher. I picked it up and was instantly hooked. I managed to get my sister and my entire small group hooked on the series as well.

The story is set in the ‘near future’ where America no longer exists, but is now called Panem which has been separated into 13 districts ruled by the Capitol. After District 13 tries to revolt, it was annihilated. The Capitol decides as punishment to hold the Hunger Games, where each district picks one boy and one girl between the ages 12 – 17 for televised gladiator games. Each child has to fight to the death, with only one winner.

And that’s only the beginning. The way the story unfolds is brilliant and unexpected with incredibly dynamic characters. You will be crying.

If you liked Harry Potter, you probably already have read this. I just fell in love with the idea that one girl can spark a fire in a nation of people. CAN’T WAIT for the movie in March. MIDNIGHT SHOWING. DRESSING UP. HECK YES.

2. ‘Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis

I had never heard of this book till a little over a year ago when a few of my friends were reading it. I ended up buying it over the summer for my 10 hr flight to Brazil, but I realized this is definitely not a ‘easy read’. I think I had read it three or four times this year.

It is the retelling of the Cupid and Psych myth through the perspective of Psyche’s sister, Orual. But that’s just the surface. The story is essentially Orual’s case against the gods, if the gods exist at all. There are so many levels to this book that the first time I read it, my mind was blown by just the sheer depth. I unintentionally wrote a letter/essay while I was staying a few days at a beach house on the jersey shore (the week of Hurricane Irene) which I will be editing as a post in the near future. 

This might be my favorite work of C.S. Lewis, and possibly his most personal, at least it was to me. I suggest it if you enjoy Greek mythology, ancient history and classic literature. 

" 'Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words' ...I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, or let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?" 

-Orual remembering her mentor, Fox
Book II, Till We Have Faces

1. The Bible

This was the first year where I actually read the Bible almost every day, cover to cover. I read the New Testament twice and most of the Old Testament except for the minor prophets. (If anyone knows of a good book that explains/gives historical context for the minor prophets, that would be great.) Being able to do that gave me real context to the book that we base our faith and modern western civilization on. The two things I walked away with were, (1) the New Testament has way more references to the Old Testament than I ever realized and (2) you should always read the genealogies, you never what two-verse story you might miss.

My Other Suggestions (the honorable mentions)

If you like young adult fantasy…

The Books of Pellinor by Allison Croggon: If you like Lord of the Ring you would love the four part series about a girl and her lyre on an epic journey against evil incarnate in a Middle Earth like landscape.

Reckless by Cornelia Funke: I was a huge fan of her Inkheart series, but Reckless series is completely different. It is based of german fairy tales and a modern take on the Grim Brothers.

The Warrior Heir by Williams Chima: A good, fun easy read. Its about a 16 yr old boy who discovers he is both a wizard and a warrior, and two ancient warring wizard groups are fighting to have him on their side.

If you like historical fiction…

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova: You are taken on academic adventure across early 20^th century Eastern Europe over three generations of mysterious murders and disappearances with all evidence pointing to Dracula. Warning: if you don’t like history or a lot of textbook-like information, this book is probably not for you.

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen: Set during the depression. After the recent death of his parents, vet-student Jacob runs away the day of his final exams when he realizes he can’t pay his college tuition. The train he jumps on happens to be a circus train. A rather interesting love story between Jacob, Rosie the elephant and Marlena, a performer, wife of the circus ringmaster, that takes an interesting turn. I didn’t see the movie so I have no opinions about the film.

Evergreen.

Happy New Year my dear readers. It is the time of goals and resolutions. My usual list to read more and actually get into shape. It still is, but I have one unconventional resolution this year. I want to live all year round, to be evergreen.

See, for the last few months, things have been crazy and time has been going by so fast. From Thanksgiving to New Years, it was a revolving door of family visiting, seeing old friends, parties, dinners, and while still trying to keep up with everyday work/laundry/sleep. One moment we have to decorate for Christmas and before you know it, January 2012 has arrived. And I was never to get into the spirit of Christmas until 5pm December 25^th.

As we were putting away our Christmas decorations, that’s all I kept thinking about.

Growing up, I loved Christmas to the point of obsession. I would listen to Christmas music all year round (still guilty of now). There was one point that I was seriously considering to change my name to Christmas (Kristen to Christmas isn’t really that big of a deal). I wanted to put my own 3ft tree up in my room by September, wanting to leave it up till March. And for the rest of the year, I used to keep a small 10 inch  tree up. It would be nonstop marathons of the classic Rankin-Bass Christmas movies complete with Christmas cookies.

It was my favorite time of year.

Then in my senior year of high school, I simply could not get into Christmas. I had lost my Christmas spirit. And it would be that way for the next few years.

I would blame something called College and Finals. I stop putting up decorations, listening to Christmas music, decorating a tree, because I didn’t have the time.  It really was that I didn’t feel any Christmas spirit, and to be honest, I didn’t feel like myself.

When I was dorming a year ago, Christmas 2010 was slowly approaching and no Christmas spirit was happening. Even with forcing myself to watch every Christmas Special on TV. I was really down because I had a strong feeling I wouldn’t be returning to college next semester.

But I realized that I had bought a lot of glitter and construction paper. Being the 8 yr. old that I am, I decided to decorate my room with very sparkly paper snowflakes, paper trees, and paper chains. And that kind of brought my Christmas spirits back.

So for Christmas 2011, I wanted to make sure I really got into the spirit of Christmas. Started a Christmas countdown, watching my Christmas movies, listening to my favorite Christmas music in October. I would have put my tree up then too, but my parents wouldn’t let me.

Then life just got crazy, again. I was working two jobs. It was so busy that I didn’t know what the date was. All I knew was that it was December.

Then it was Christmas Eve.

We were to spend it with my mom’s side of the family. I knew we had a bit of a drive ahead of us. All I kept saying was, “God, I’m here in the same exact place as last year, and the year before. I love Christmas. How could I have missed it this year again?”

Why is Christmas so important to me? Christmas is the one time of year where magic is real. The whole season is about having faith. If you just believe, anything is possible. Where love and happiness are over abundant. You make it a priority to see your family and loved ones. It’s the one time of year where you can listen to songs about the birth of Jesus Christ on almost every radio station and every store you shop.

It is the day we choose to celebrate that He was born to die so we could one day pray to Him to save both yours and my life.

So this New Year, instead of waiting and entire year for the next holiday season to that I decided I want to live this way all year round, to not save it all for just a few short days in December.

That is my new years resolution.

I want to live all year round, I want to be evergreen.

Inspired by:

Evergreen by Switchfoot

I Celebrate the Day by Relient K

WHY HELLO

First off,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Sorry I haven’t been posting as much. There has been A LOT going on lately.

I’ve been working two jobs, one at the café I’ve been working at for three-ish years, but now I also work at Anthropologie (I fell in love with this store years ago and been applying there for the last two years.)

And for the upcoming New Year, I will be shifting the focus of this blog as well as starting another blog too.

This blog will focus on spirituality, faith, Church, Christianity, hard questions about how this affects life and our preconceived ideas about all these things. (Some future topics: What makes someone or anything ‘Christian’ and how do you define it, the current idea of what Church is, a discussion of C.S. Lewis’s Till we Have Faces, ect…)

The second blog, will be an extension of this blog, what I’ve been calling a ‘sister blog’. This blog will be about art, fashion, and culture, where both inner and outer beauty meet personal faith.

Plus, I’m redesigning this blog.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas

With all my love,

Kristen

Not Young Enough

"I am not young enough to know everything." 

— Oscar Wilde

change the world

 

Great movie.

Viewfinder

We each have a certain way on how we perceive the world. How I perceive the world is through the lens of being an artist. I instantly notice colors, their tints and shades, the form and design of things and I understand everything through the creative process. (Which is kind of like the scientific method…but not at all.)

When I was studying Art in college, we would constantly discuss two things (during 4+ hour critiques for which there was never enough coffee): what is the purpose of an artist and what is ‘controversial’.

What I consider to be the purpose of an artist is the ability to see something, to deconstruct an idea to its most basic elements and then to reconstruct in order to give the viewer a novel and different perspective.

I have come to define controversial as something that will make you stop and forces you to truly think it through, for you to really reconsider and reevaluate the purpose and existence of something.

So when I first decided to blog again, I actually started a year ago with a different blog and a very different format. My original idea was just a place pick up on my writing again and to talk about my art, music, life, ect. I would end up writing a few short entries and forgetting about it.

In May, I decided to create another blog and attempt to keep up with it again. The idea was still the same, just a place to express myself.

Then I wrote a little post in July about church and it changed everything.

When I wrote it, I was trying to get over my own personal hurt with a little humor and hope. This post took a whole life of its own by going viral (close to 1,000 hits, and the blog itself, close to 3,000). Everyday since I have posted, at least one person reads it. It changed the whole idea of what this blog was going to be about. Now this blog has more of an intense focus on how Faith juxtaposes with everything else in life.

I have received (and continue to receive) a lot of feedback from my entries. Some of it was encouragement, some could relate, some missed my points entirely, and, as expected, there was a lot of negative criticisms. But I did receive a lot of one thing that I was not expecting: I received a lot of warnings.

Questions like:

“Are you doing this for the right reasons?”

“Do you realize how this could be perceived?”

Most of the warning came from people who genuinely care about me and wanted to make sure I was okay. But it really did make me question what I was doing.

In the last month or so, I have felt so much fear and doubt about this. This has been an incredible struggle for me. I’ve had paralyzing writers block for weeks. Uncertainty began to fill me. I was concerned that people will think I’m angry and I want bring down the church. That I just wanted to stir up pointless, argumentative debate. Was I really doing this for the right reasons?

Then I started thinking, what are those right reasons?

My blog is still a form of expression, but in a different way now. This blog isn’t about me anymore.

I understand the taboo nature of the topic I have been addressing. I understand it makes people uncomfortable. This will not be a place where I want to drag people down, call out names, point fingers, gossip, complain and blame others. I’m not here for you to pick sides that I’m right and ‘they’re’ wrong. And yes, I can be labeled as some one who has been ‘wounded by the church.’ I have been hurt, but that does not make what I say worthless.

In art, when someone wants to critique a large work, or to just focus on a detail on anything or to simply see something in a different way, oftentimes they will make a viewfinder. A viewfinder is when you cut out a small 1in square in the middle of a piece of paper. When you look through the small square, it forces you to see things in a different, more focused perspective.

When I first heard the song Hosanna around four years ago, the lyrics really hit home for me.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

These words became my prayer and it’s a dangerous prayer to pray. To ask God all of these things is like walking out to a fierce battle. To heal my heart and make it clean? I had to let go all of my hurt and my own bitterness. That was the only way I can open my eyes to the things I could not see with my human eyes, to see things how God sees. Which means to see the things we tend to ignore, the things we don’t like to see. God, show me how to love like You have loved me, to love everyone with a love of absolute and total forgiveness, no favoritism and with complete sacrifice.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours, I can no longer be apathetic and selfish. I want to feel deeply and passionately for others, in their happiness and joy as well as in their pain and suffering. I want to feel conviction in my soul when something is wrong. And everything I am for the purpose of Your Kingdom. Everything I am. To be utterly humble in this life as we continue to eternity.

That prayer has become my view and God my Viewfinder.

The right reason for this blog is that God has called me to do this. When He calls you to do anything, I have come to realize in my short time on this earth, is that He gives you a passion or a vision and He will lead you one step at a time. With that comes paralyzing doubt, people will criticize you, and will more or less just hate you (ex: Abraham, Joseph, Nehemiah, Jesus’ disciples, Paul, anyone called to ministry.) I know I could never do this on my own. If I did do this on my own, for my own name and glory, it will definitely be a failure (Acts 5:34-39).

The purpose of this blog is to be what I was created to be. When God stirs something within me, I will deconstruct ideas and reconstruct them best I can for my viewers to provoke your thoughts and to truly reconsider things.

Yeah, I guess it could be called controversial.